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Category Archives: The Usual

. . . law school is crazy y’all . . .

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Law school is crazy, y’all.

Let me just be very real here. I’ve lost touch with life in a lot of ways. I am constantly at school, always reading cases and researching. I barely see my family, and when I do it seems so momentary- such a drastic difference from when I homeschooled my kiddos and was home with them all day long everyday- which seems like a million years ago, even though it was only a few months back.

I’m writing today, because I need to feel something. I need to feel alive again. Writing used to be that escape for me, and at the same time, it kept me grounded.

Law school writing is different. Sooooo different. It pretty much sucks the life and soul out of you, and puts all of your creativity into an untouchable box, high up on a shelf that you can’t reach.

It’s there though, you know it’s there, because you can see the corner of it just past the edge of the shelf. It’s forbidden. You’re not supposed to touch it, because if you do a monster is likely to bite your hand. But, all the while you stare up at it, wondering when you’ll get it back.

I keep trying to be positive and see the good, and look forward to the day when I’m doing what I love, but it’s hard to do sometimes.

12093819_1704883886411290_516460078_nWe have exams this week and next week, and while I should be studying, I’m sitting here staring at a wall wondering how I’m possibly going to get it all done.

Someone may say, “You can’t get it ALL done, so why try?” I tell them that if I don’t try to get it all done, I won’t try to get any of it done. Here’s the real question though:

If I don’t try to get it all done, how will I know that I can’t get it all done?

If I don’t try to give my all and do my all, I will give up.  I can’t give up . . . not now, not when I’m so close.

The problem is, I’m exhausted. If I could just sleep for like a week, I could probably feel normal again. 😉

That’s not going to happen though.

I have to keep going . . . keep trying . . . keep working . . . keep praying . . . keep moving . . . keep getting up . . . keep  showing up . . . keep on keeping on

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Each day is a different battle, but each day I’m learning to adapt. The work isn’t so bad or so hard, it’s just the tedium and monotony of it all. Day after day after day.

But, you know what? It’s worth it. Every day, we grow and we learn and we change and we become who we are in each moment. I can train my body and get into great shape by eating right and working out. The work and the effort produce visible results, and it keeps you going.

Law school for me is different in that the visible effects aren’t so appealing . . . lol. The bags under my eyes have their own bags. At one point, I was actually losing hair, and let’s not get started on how many days I’ve missed at the gym!

604758On the outside, I look like a hot mess, and I have very little to show on paper for the sleepless nights and hours of studying.

In fact, sometimes I feel like a bumbling idiot talking about nothing at all. There are so many emotions, thoughts, and words . . . oh so many words to read each day and then later to comprehend.

This by itself shuts my speech processing down in a quick second. Shit, just processing in general. It’s like my brain is on a vacation and it’s not taking any messages. So absentminded. I’m having to multitask on a level I have never had to before, and it’s stretching me.

But, I know this process is bringing me closer to my goals. I know I’m stronger everyday I choose to keep going. And that’s all I can do . . . keep reminding myself of the things I know, even when it feels like I know very little.

I know I love my kids, I know the effort will pay off, I know I can’t give up, I know I have to press on . . .I KNOW I CAN DO IT!

And That’s all I got folks.

Peace Out, Ya’ll!

~ julie ~

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. . . imitating the cornerstone . . .

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Lately, I have been taking time to get a few things right in my life.  Aside from still studying (my life long task), I’ve been focusing on getting fit and healthy.  So, a few days after Labor Day, I joined a gym called 9Round, and have been making an effort to go e.v.e.r.y single day that they’re open.

On my way into the gym this morning, I caught a glimpse of myself in my car’s reflection (yes, I’m that vain 😉 ), and a thought occurred to me.  Actually a series of thoughts, that went along the lines of, “I’m looking pretty good,” and “I’m getting pretty strong,” and “I’ma show ’em, I’ma show ’em . . .” this process of self-inflation, went on for a few more moments, admittedly.

But then another thought occurred to me: “Wait, haven’t I had this thought before?”  More than once, in fact, only to walk into the gym to have my a** handed to me by the trainers and their specifically designed workouts.

http://www.dannybeckettjr.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/HARD-WORK.pngAnd once again, I was left with the realization of why I show up everyday – because I need them.  The trainers, and even the other members working out right along side me.  For me – this healthy life I’m pursuing is not all about me, ironically – and, I can’t do it alone.  I need others, and perhaps some others out there need me.  Without them, I lose motivation and the steam to keep going.  They keep going and it helps me keep going.

However, without the trainers who show up, make up the workouts, and encourage us (read: put us in line when we whine) along the way, going would be pointless.  There would be no direction, and nobody holding it all together -in the sense that a business cannot run without it’s worker bees.  In essence, the trainers keep us all going.

http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_JQbiE1SafLw/S7PNYQKZodI/AAAAAAAAAM8/H4xblgJlhTk/s1600/ocean-3.jpgIn the same way, I can relate this to my understanding of God, and His influence in my life.  Sometimes I think, “I got this!” And not in the way where one reassures himself in an effort to self-motivate.  But, in the lofty way of thinking that “I can handle life and all its problems on my own.”  The pride of “Me taking care of Me by myself,” and it’s all I can do to keep the plates spinning overhead, while juggling apples, swords, and torches at the same time.

Just like working out, I can absolutely do it alone.  I can do it alone for a little while anyway, but eventually I get burned-out, bored, or just plain complacent.  If I try to go at life alone, without realizing the weight which the cornerstone is bearing for me – I’m misled.  But more than that, I’m really just treading water.

Ephesians 2: 19-22 (HCSB):

19So then you are no longer foreigners and strangers, but fellow citizens with the saints, and members of God’s household, 20built on the foundation of the apostles and prophets, with Christ Jesus Himself as the cornerstone21The whole building, being put together by Him, grows into a holy sanctuary in the Lord. 22You also are being built together for God’s dwelling in the Spirit.

http://astronomy.snjr.net/blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/05/cornerstone.jpg

According to ye good ‘ole Wikipedia, the cornerstone :  

is the first stone set in the construction of a masonry foundation, important since all other stones will be set in reference to this stone, thus determining the position of the entire structure.

 

Supporting each other, motivating each other, and realizing where our strength lies- is the key to showing up everyday and succeeding.  When we rely on others and provide motivation and support for others in turn, we are acting in a way that is consistent with the cornerstone.  We are essentially imitating the cornerstone by edifying, or building one another up.

I guess what I mean to say is, without the support of others when it comes to healthy living and habits, I quickly fall into bad habits again, and although it gets easier as I plunge forward, this is truly a daily battle.

And . . . Without the true cornerstone of my life, I fall apart completely.

Imitating the cornerstone is not quite as lofty as thinking, “I got this on my own.”      No. . . . indeed, it’s quite the opposite.  It’s being a vessel used in support of others, while they support you in return.

Just some random thoughts I had today, hopefully they meant something to you as well. 🙂

~ Peace Out Y’all ~

Julie

 

Versos en español: Efesios 2:19-22 (NBLH)

 

 

. . . anywhere doors: wait, they make those?! . . .

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Recently, the question was posed:

Your local electronics store has just started selling Time Machines, Anywhere Doors, and Invisibility Helmets. You can only afford one. Which of these do you buy, and why?

I have 3 Choices, then:

1.  The  Time Machine: that nifty machine which takes a person forward or backward in time.

http://www.grolschfilmworks.com/media/uploads/images/bill-and-ted-phone-booth.jpg

2. The Anywhere Door: the intrinsically magical door, in which a person is allowed to go ANYWHERE of their choice, upon entering.

http://i.imgur.com/WDTLlt0.jpg

3.  The Invisibility Helmet:  the hat, which makes a person invisible to all others.

http://www.quickmeme.com/img/96/96e76aaa50f82b40cce19216c1ed3b09b60615b2eb0a2f4b90843f9c44145ecc.jpg

Wait, that was a meme of an invisible helmet, not a helmet which makes one invisible . . . big difference.  Here we go:

http://fc06.deviantart.net/fs71/f/2011/237/6/1/camus___helm_by_wandererfromys-d47ry21.jpg

Yeah, the Helm of Hades, a much more legit, invisibility helmet, I must say.

 

So, barring the idea of trying to trick the system (Like this person did), by going back in time and/or using invisibility to gain access to all three devices, I would choose #2 in a heartbeat.  Yes, in. one. single. heartbeat.

A.N.Y.W.H.E.R.E

No plane tickets, no passports, no subway pass needed.

This is the stuff of my dreams!   To be able to go from one locale to the next without the financial burden of said travel.  My dream is to see the World!  Why does this desire trump that of changing past mistakes, visiting a more advanced society, or even going anywhere via invisibility?

Simply because, I believe in living in the NOW.  (Besides, I have a vague and rational fear of the “Butterfly Effect,” so time travel is definitely OUT!)  Why not use invisibility to my advantage and to further my sinister plans to rob a bank or take over the world?  Because, being invisible is very isolating, and I don’t think that’s the answer (not to mention, that I might just use it to hide from my problems, instead of face them).  Nope, not going to be invisible, even for a moment.

I want to be PRESENT in the HERE and NOW.  Although, I must admit that if my Here and Now, could be ANYWHERE at this present moment, I would be relaxing in one of those Over Water Bungalows in Bora Bora with my family:

http://www.gotahiti.com/2012/04/6-scenic-overwater-bungalows-2/

The Beauty of the ANYWHERE Door is that you can walk through it with ANYONE . . . so long as you’re all holding hands of course.  Time Machines, on the other hand, have historically been problematic, and tend to malfunction at an alarming rate.  The Invisibility Helmet almost invariably leaves one naked in the most inconvenient settings.  That’s something I generally try to avoid.

My Anywhere Door is perfect though, and completely reusable!  No mishaps or malfunctions to date.  The only drawback is forgetting sunscreen on your way to the beach, which can be quickly remedied.  Oh, one more actual drawback, is having to lug this big door around . . . what a drag!

Thankfully though, my magnificent benefactor got me this really incredible EVERYTHING BAG last year for Christmas.  It literally holds everything AND a bag of chips, at about the weight of a bag of chips.  How?  Something about Crazy science, and Mary Poppins working together, ya know?

Anyway, back to my fabulous door . . .

Where would you go with my door today?  Or, would you pick another choice, and why?  (Be prepared, I may argue my point further with you . . .  just kidding!  But, seriously . . . be prepared! 😉 )

*Author’s note:  This post is in response to the PostADay Challenge.  Check it out!

. . . Why me? Why NOT me? . . .

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I dedicate this post to: Adelaide Grace

 

I haven’t blogged in a while.

Life just seems to throw us curveballs sometimes.  These times, often make interacting with others more difficult than at other times . . . happier times.  I have been on the proverbial “Emotional Roller Coaster” the past few weeks, and despite my initial inclination to keep this a private matter, I’ve decided to share it.  My hope is that sharing my experience may bring Hope, Healing, and Freedom to not only me, but perhaps a few others as well.  That’s what we writers do though, we write.  We tell the stories on our hearts, and share the experiences that maybe others can’t quite put into words.

The stark reality is that I have recently suffered the most painful experience of my life:  a miscarriage.

And, it’s true what they say; that you can’t fully understand the pain of a miscarriage, unless you have gone through one yourself.  At least that has been my experience.  It’s a pain I am ill equipped to describe, or put into words.  I just never knew losing something, someone, I should say, so soon (a mere 7 weeks, in my case), especially before ever really getting to know them could be so heart wrenching.  But it was . . . it is.

When I found out on April Fool’s that I was pregnant, I immediately thought, “You’re funny God!”  “Why me??”  How am I going to manage with 4 children, plus do all of the other things I have felt called to do??  I sent the picture of the positive tests, yes both of them (verification was needed),  to my husband, whose immediate response was to call me, and ask: “What does that mean?”  I laughed, and said I thought it was pretty self explanatory, especially since I sent him a picture of the box with directions on how to read the results.  Needless to say, we weren’t “trying to conceive.”  It just happened.  A surprise.

I LOVE surprises!  But, at first, this surprise took me a second to get excited about.  We already have 3 beautiful children, and we just weren’t expecting to expand our family at this time.  I’m actually in the process of preparing for a big test I’m taking in early June, the LSAT.  So, I was just confused about the timing is all.  But, with the knowledge that God thought we could handle it, we were ready to put everything on hold again, and accept this new treasure into our family and into our hearts.

We hadn’t told many people we were expecting, still many people don’t know.  We wanted to wait out the “danger zone,” of the first trimester before saying anything.   But, I NEVER considered the “danger zone” would ever affect me.  I have had 3 textbook pregnancies, and 3 better than textbook deliveries, all natural (no epidurals ever).  What did I need to worry about??

In all honesty, I have even felt a little guilty at times, at the ease of which our family has been able to conceive, especially since our first child was a “teenage pregnancy,” while others I have known have struggled.  Conversely, after miscarrying, I felt a slight pang of jealousy scrolling down my Facebook news feed seeing all of the newborn babies and friends of mine getting ready to have their babies.  And I thought, “Why Not me?

But, really and truly this is a silly mindset of mine, and yes, I will say it: of those who ask the question: “Why do seemingly ‘undeserving/unfit’ parents end up with children, while I (who would be the MOST Loving and Responsible parent) am left without a child?”  Perhaps you disagree, but I think both questions are unfair.

I certainly feel for those women out there – but the problem comes with comparing our lives with that of another’s life.  We simply cannot compare ourselves/our lives or life stories to anyone else’s.  My pain may not be your pain today, and your pain may not be mine, but we each suffer pain nonetheless.  Sometimes in ways that can be unbearable to us, that perhaps we think nobody else can understand.

On the flip side, we each experience beauty and indescribable JOY in different ways too.  God gives us the Joy in the Morning to cast out the fear, loss, and shadows of the darkness.

So, while we may not understand the “why?” when we experience pain – we can still trust God to be our all in all.  We can even help ourselves a little, by not comparing our sorrows with other people’s joys.  It’s unfair to them, but it’s MORE unfair to you.

Before I knew for sure that I was going to miscarry, God led me to this passage in Isaiah:

Isaiah 40:29-31 (HCSB)

28 Do you not know?
Have you not heard?
Yahweh is the everlasting God,
the Creator of the whole earth.
He never grows faint or weary;
there is no limit to His understanding.
29 He gives strength to the weary
and strengthens the powerless.
30 Youths may faint and grow weary,
and young men stumble and fall,
31 but those who trust in the Lord
will renew their strength;
they will soar on wings like eagles;
they will run and not grow weary;
they will walk and not faint.

This became my prayer, that my trust in God would sustain me through whatever outcome or situation that would come.  Right then, I said to myself, “He is my strength and my refuge, and I know I will not faint with Him as my guide.

It’s true, I didn’t faint.  But, it damn near killed me inside.  I was literally a walking zombie for a few days, and weeks went by where I would just curl up and cry at night after my husband was home and taking care of the kids.  I cried so hard that it literally hurt my chest, and I thought I would choke or hyperventilate.  Because we hadn’t told many people, it was hard for me even still, because nobody knew what I was going through on the inside.

You see, having a child die inside of you, I have found, is no less real than having one die outside of you.  Except perhaps for others, since they didn’t get to know that child or even see them or even know they existed before finding out that they passed, as in my situation.

It seems that in the case of miscarriage, the mom often walks the road of sadness and mourning alone.  Having good supportive friends and family truly helps beyond imagination.  But, really it is the mother (and father too, I guess) that feels the loss most completely, since no one else had the chance to get to know the little person.

Some people may say, “Well, you can always try again…“and while this is very true, and also comforting to a degree, it is also downplaying the fact that there was a real person who was lost to that family.   It was also something harder to hear for someone like me, who wasn’t “trying” to begin with.

Anyway, I was really an emotional wreck for weeks, but then the sun started to come up.  I feel a lot more like myself now.  It’s not that I’ve gotten over Adelaide, that’s what we named her:  Adelaide Grace.  But, I have moved past the self-pity and even denial of it all.  I’m not sad anymore.   As the realization that I have a baby who gets to grow up in Heaven, and be with my grandparents, sinks in, I can smile at that.  It is sad, but also completely out of my control.  So, wallowing in self-pity and sadness would do no good for anyone.

So, here I am.

Living, enjoying life beyond my loss.  I will always remember her, and I will be happy to finally meet her in Heaven someday.  For now though, I have a little angel looking down on me watching, wanting to know what I will do in the meantime.

Please listen to this song if you get a chance, it has really ministered to me, and I pray it does for you too:

 

Versos en Espanol: Isaias 40:29-31 (NBLH)

. . . in a better place . . .

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A Dear friend of mine lost her mother to cancer today. 

I didn’t know her, but through knowing my friend, I just know her mother was a phenomenal person.  Have you ever known someone through another’s perspective?  Like, you can feel as though you know the person from having them described to you?  And also as a result of seeing the impact of that person reflect in the life of the person you actually know?

Well, that’s where I am today.  I never knew this woman, but her life is still impacting the world she left behind.  As mothers, we always seem to leave a little piece of ourselves for the world to see through our children.  My friend is a wonderfully creative and down-to-earth person.  She is one of those people who can see beyond the surface level, and see the beauty and deepness in it; which may be lost by the average viewer.  So, I KNOW her mother was an incredibly strong and inspirational woman.

But, what do you say?  What do you do?  When someone you care about has lost someone, especially someone who so profoundly impacted their lives, what can you really do?

I.don’t.know.

Every time I have been confronted with this situation, I fumble miserably around the right words to say, or trying to avoid saying the wrong words.  It’s just not something, we are ever prepared to face, until it happens.

You know, Jesus was a man that walked the earth like we do, and He felt the same emotions that flood through our veins, hearts, and souls.  He wasn’t immune to loss; He experienced great loss.  He lost His best friend.

 

John 11: 33-37 (HCSB)

33 When Jesus saw her crying, and the Jews who had come with her crying, He was angry in His spirit and deeply moved.  34“Where have you put him? ” He asked.  “Lord,” they told Him, “come and see.”

35 Jesus wept.  36 So the Jews said, “See how He loved him! ” 37 But some of them said, “Couldn’t He who opened the blind man’s eyes also have kept this man from dying? “

 

Even knowing what would be the final outcome of the situation with Lazarus … knowing, He would call His friend back from the dead . . . Jesus wept.  He felt the pain of those around Him and He was “deeply moved.”

He wept.

He wept with them.  Here is our model.  Here is where we see what we are to do, how we are to respond to our friend’s loss.  Their loved one may be in Heaven, or  a better place, as some call it.  This alone can be cause for celebration of the believer’s life – but, that’s not to take away from, or to forget, the pain of the ones that were left behind.  We don’t have to have the perfect words or the absence of imperfect ones.  We just need to be with them.  To love on them.  To allow ourselves to feel their pain, and to bear it with them.

To my friend:  I love you, and I am here for you.  I am not going to insist you move on quickly, and I’m not going to shower you with cliche’s.  I am in this with you for the long haul. . . even when you feel homesick.

 

Versos en españolJuan 11: 33-37 (NBLH)

Send More “Back to School” Money pLeAsE!!

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Ok, so here we are at the beginning of yet another school year… Oh poop!! (Wait, did I say that out loud??)

https://www.google.com/search?q=first+day+of+school+homeschool&client=firefox-a&hs=5Y&rls=org.mozilla:en-US:official&source=lnms&tbm=isch&sa=X&ei=2NADUor5PIiI9ATd8IC4DQ&ved=0CAkQ_AUoAQ&biw=1024&bih=600#facrc=_&imgdii=_&imgrc=fgYkEuOwgXI51M%3A%3BgkwUpWmsZUWbAM%3Bhttp%253A%252F%252Fblogs.democratandchronicle.com%252Fmoms%252Ffiles%252F2011%252F09%252Fhomeschooling.jpg%3Bhttp%253A%252F%252Fblogs.democratandchronicle.com%252Fmoms%252F%253Fp%253D1068%3B425%3B270

Anyway, as a homeschooling family, we have LOTS to think about at the start of the year, and EVEN MORE to pay for!!

There is curriculum to think about for starters, which can run anywhere from $500- $1,000 per child for new (although, you can always borrow from the library, friends, or buy used to).

Then there’s the array, and I mean ARRAY, of activities you can sign your kid(s) up for so that you make sure you “socialize” your “un-socialized” child(ren), since they aren’t sitting in a classroom practicing being quiet with a bunch of other kids all day.  And those activities ain’t cheap, let me tell you!

And most of the time us homeschoolers are working with one income, which is pretty easy to do if your husband is the average Rocket Scientist, like mine . . . just kidding!  It’s NOT easy for most, but definitely do-able 🙂

Well, this year my husband decided to quit his day job (after much prayer and discussion)  and decided to up and run his own business, and also to get a part time job (which has become more of a full time job, but I’m getting away from the point) to fill in the blanks.  So, he has been blowing and going, at about our pace lately 😉

Anyway, I say all of that to say what I really want to say, which is more of a question that I ask EVERY stinking year:

WHERE is the MONEY gonna come from this year, GOD??

He always provides, and we are always taken care of!

However, since we homeschoolers like templates (mostly because we have to send out so many *pointless* letters, etc. to the state) I decided to make one for those of us struggling a bit to get started.  Below you will find a sample letter that you can copy and send to your “sponsors.”

Just a little public service, I’m HAPPY to provide for our Homeschool community… (ANY donations are greatly welcomed and accepted)!

Dear Magnificent MeMe & Powerful Paw Paw (aka “sponsors”),

As you know, school is starting up again and with it, a plethora of opportunity for our sweet, little angels to get involved in.  On that note, The girls’ ballet teacher switched ballet schools, and is now teaching in Mandeville (more travel = more gas).  The tuition is a little cheaper (but I heard the recital fees may be a bit more).

Anyway, with all of the things we are signing up for right now, volleyball, dance, possibly drama/voice lessons, and/or piano, not to mention the cost of curriculum . . . the costs are adding up very quickly!!

So, I was wondering if you would like to take this opportunity to sponsor a child filled with aspiring dreams of grandeur as a performing artist?  All it takes is one low monthly commitment of $650.

This is a big number, I know, which is why we all need to do our part. You know what they say, after all, It takes a village to raise a child, and we have found this to be true.  At least it takes the financial resources of an ENTIRE village to raise ONE child as a productive citizen in this world.

Now, with the economy the way it is, we at Grace Academy (our Homeschool’s name) know what it’s like to be down on your luck, so if $650 per month is a little steep for your budget, we understand . . . completely.

That’s why we offer all types of giving opportunities. No, gift is too small (well, some are, but we are willing to overlook it just this once).

PLUS! For a limited time, we are offering you a special homemade card by whichever child you choose to sponsor that can be hung on your fridge to show all of your family and friends, and be proud of the work you’re doing to produce change in a young person’s future.

When considering the part you will play, think about the children. Think about where they will be without your generous support. Cold.  Tired.  Crying.  Whining to their parents about all of the activities Sally gets to do, that they will be left out of.

There’s absolutely: No pressure, really.  Just sign up for whatever amount you can do, but remember to think of the SAD faces you will have to encounter at family functions if you don’t.

Thank you for your time and your generous support at this crucial time in our campaign!

The staff and family at Grace Academy

***Just in case, you haven’t caught on.  . .this is a complete JOKE!!  Although, I DID actually send this to my Mother in Law . . . just in the hopes that she thought it was REAL 😉 . . . LOL***

Hope you ENJOYed my momentary loss of reality!

. . . abstract art . . .

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Journal Entry from January 22, 2013:

The other day, I got this sudden impulse to text my younger sister (by 10 years), Sierra, who lives a few hours away in the Sunshine State of Florida.  What I suddenly needed to remind her was this:

Reminder: You are fearfully and Wonderfully made! Your soul knows that full well. (Paraphrase of Psalm 139:14)

The actual verse reads:

Psalms 139:14 :

I will praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made;

Marvelous are Your works,

And that my soul knows very well.

Just after sending it to her, I got this feeling in my soul (which, I believe was intensified, because I was fasting at the time) that I also needed to be “reminded” of this truth.  Especially since I have recently felt quite unlovely, and down on myself because of unwanted weight gain and seemingly no time to re-mediate the problem (we are coming off of the season we are allowed to be festively plump, are we not?!).

 

Anyway, I read the verse again to myself . . .  FOR myself, and this time I pondered, “Why is this verse Sooo powerful?? . . .  What makes it what it is?

 

Afterall, we call many things wonderful and we praise God, and know things in our own souls independent of one another, and it means something for sure; but nothing quite so powerful and captivating as what this verse speaks to our hearts when orchestrated and arranged in such a way as this.

 

I looked at it again, and this time, the word, “fearfully” lept off the page at me so fiercely, it was obvious that THIS word was the defining aspect of this verse’s Power.  I also realized just then, that I did not completely understand what “fearfully” meant in this context, which surely added to its wonder.  I didn’t know what it meant, per se, but I KNEW it is what made the verse Powerful!

 

So, what came next should be quite obvious to those as enamored of words and their meanings as I, a few quick Google searches to discover what this meant and how then would it apply to my life.  Not to drag out all the gory details of that search, I will share with you the one that in the end made all the difference for me that day, and I suspect many days to come.  The key phrase I used was, “define fearfully made,” which led me to a beautiful blog post by Micki Magee at completelydevoted entitled appropriately, “Fearfully and Wonderfully Made,” which went into her understanding of this verse, also including the definition, which is what I was searching for (thank ya for doing the digging, I thought 😉 ).

 

She found a simple definition of the word “fearfully,” as it applies in this context in Webster’s as the 3rd entry, which read: “full of awe or reverence.”  She then goes on to say, and I will quote, as I think she says it quite beautifully:

 

These are words describing how God made us.  He made us with awe and reverence! (Reverence: a feeling of or attitude of deep respect.) . . .

 

. . . and this is the part I especially LOVE!! :

 

He wasn’t goofing around with crayons ladies.  he had a reason for making each of us, did it with care (awe!), and loves, even respects, the result. … So who are we to disrespect that?

The whole post moved me to tears, to realize, to recognize that God made me the way I am, artistically . . . without ANY fault in his eyes.  Not saying, I don’t have any faults, just stating that I wasn’t made with any… including my body type.   God did NOT make a mistake when he created me! 

 

This was honestly quite shocking for me to take in at first, as I had started to believe this in a subtle way, ever since my “little” sister started to creep up on me and finally surpass me in height (even though her dad is actually shorter than my dad… what a massive flip-flop God… I mean, how uncool, unfair, inappropriate, I once thought… and, I’m sure I’m the ONLY one who has ever envied her sister, right?! LOL).

 

God created me to be who I am – the way I am, and I should be thankful He placed Sooo much care and emphasis on the making of me, that my end result would garner His respect and awe, just as a work of art moves it’s creator.

 

He made me unique, with an extra brush stroke here and a fine pencil lining there, that makes me infinitely different from ANY of His other works.  And sometimes, I’m sure He may editthis” work He started in me, when He finds it fading or running a little in the wrong direction.  He then sets it just to His liking again, which in turn, will make “this” creation a little more likable to His other creations, as well (added bonus! Haha).

 

And, when He is finished with me, as I’m sure He’s not done just yet (thankfully), I hope He steps back and smiles – a look of satisfaction that only a completed work brings!

 

Thank You Lord, for making me Fearfully and Wonderfully!!  I know I have my flaws and many imperfections, but You are smoothing some of them out one day at a time, and using others as abstract art, not meant to be altered, a “beautiful mess,” if you will . . .  perhaps, as somewhat of a  centerpiece with which to shine Your Glory through me.  I am so grateful for Your ever present work in me, and I pray that I continue to grow in You and closer to You this year!!

 Be BLESSED my Friends!!!

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